Giving my version of “Too Much” in this photo. What do you think? Snapped by Bella Zhornist.
LIFE/STYLE
“High maintenance” has a negative connotation mostly applied to women. I woke up this morning thinking about this brilliant post I read a few months back about women who are labeled “Too Much” in our culture. (Please check out Ev’yan Whitney’s essay I Am a Too Much Woman if you feel any connection to being powerful and being perceived as too emotional, too beautiful, too real, too anything.)
I need a lot of care today. I woke up feeling like I’m moving to yet another level of awakening and I started to feel like “too much” again—Not in a good way. I’m learning that I need a lot of maintenance—but not from someone else. Not in the culturally watered-down version of the word, which is filled with connection to amassing items and attention to feed the ego.
I’m not talking about the kind of “maintenance” that the Patriarchy often twists women into—little dependent princesses who feed like locusts on the closest powerful male.
I’m talking about being “High Maintenance” as in maintaining the Highest version of myself. I need a lot of time and attention to do that. I need a lot of space. I need to constantly refocus myself on the continuation (maintenance) of my own growth. No man required.
Self-care, boo-boo.
* * * *
My mother told me last year that people have been telling her since I was a little girl that I have a “presence.” Often times throughout my life, my “presence” has scared people, or, at the very least, made them uncomfortable. It’s a weird thing to have people frequently confess to you that they’re scared of you: To learn to internalize that in a positive way, or to make the choice not to internalize it at all, takes maintenance.
Starting from the age that girls are socialized to be small and acceptable—around 6,7,8—it happened to me, too.
You know?
Somewhere it got in there that it wasn’t ok to be “a lot”, (read: myself).
Somewhere it got in there that it wasn’t ok to “maintain” my Self.
My process of growing as an adult is the process of undoing these lies.
My growth is about being true to who I am. Wild. Gorgeous. Unfettered.
These are the kind of women we need anyway. Look at where we are.
High Maintenance Women of Honor (on my Mind):
Anna Deavere Smith. Latest Work: Notes From the Field.
Ava Duvernay. Latest work: Queen Sugar.
add your heroines and carry them forward with you ♥